IF NOT, I'M GONNA MAKE IT.

FIONA APPLE

2010-09-12T07:08:00.000-07:00

"Paper Bag"

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had
But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag
Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold

Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love
And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope
Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope
I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void,'

he said
'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything'

But he didn't get it I thought he was a man
But he was just a little boy

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

I think Fiona Apple wrote this song for me. I feel exactly like this sometimes, when I'm at my most negative. Hunger hurts, but starving works - it hurts to want someone real bad and not getting anything back. It's better to just get the delusion out of your head, because damn, "it costs too much to love."

Girls, you feeling it? Admit it, we all feel that way sometimes. I'd wager my life on it! Every single girl who has been through a relationship,we've felt it or thought it at one point or another. Yes, you there, the one feeling faint from all the estrogen.

(Gahd, what am I typing?!)

But I'm DEFINITELY NOT saying that those are my sentiments right now. I'm happy with him :)

Damn, someone's in a typing mood today. Hahahahaha.

What I'm singing... =)

2010-09-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

Brighter Than Sunshine - Aqualung

I never understood before
I never knew what love was for
My heart was broke, my head was sore
What a feeling

Tied up in ancient history
I didnt believe in destiny
I look up you're standing next to me
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, i don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine
And it's brighter than sunshine

I never saw it happening
I'd given up and given in
I just couldn't take the hurt again
What a feeling

I didn't have the strength to fight
Suddenly you seemed so right
Me and you
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine

It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun, sun, shine.

Love will remain a mystery
But give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine

I got a feeling in my soul ...

POLDOKI, this entry is for you. 1 hour palang, I miss you na. Was so sad to see you off at the car awhile ago... Keep in touch, you bum. Okay? (Parang ang layo at ang tagal di magkikita!) I'll always remember you with these two songs (senti mode)...though they have no relation to you at all. Hahahaha. To me? Hmmm let me think about it...

Mr.Brightside - The Killers

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

And I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

Do good on your report.

I love you.

YECH.

2010-09-12T06:36:00.000-07:00

You're in luck. I'm in an overly-analytical and typing mood.

I am so TURNED OFF. It's not that I'm disgusted or grossed out by this person... It's something worse. I feel disappointed. I might hate a person, but when I say I'm disappointed with someone, its more serious than it appears to be. Disappointment, well, disappoints me. It washes over me like a sad love song... I hate the feeling. I am so turned off by the shallowest of reasons, someone's profile on fucking Facebook. Why I should care, I don't know. But isn't Facebook the ultimate site or place to market yourself in the way you want other people to see you? With his profile as the proof, does he want people to see him as a cheap, assanine, dope-loving, FHM-hogging, womanizer who has illusions of being, umm, "street"? I dislike the idea. Eww. Hopefully it was just a front, or it's his idea of humor. Trust me though, its not funny... waaaaah I'm feeling so bizzare. I really am just turned off. Yech.

SAWI MUCH?

2010-02-02T23:10:00.000-08:00

We have to realize that love is not enough to make relationship work. We need trust, respect, time, effort and TOTAL COMMITMENT. If a person doesn't show respect, doesn't earn your trust, and can't keep a promise, then no matter how many times they say i love you, those words will be empty. Take time to listen to what they don't say. Take time to look at what they don't show because there are secrets hidden beneath their words. So, don't let passion, but wisdom to decide for you...love wisely because it's never easy to love and get hurt.

Screwed and Messed Up

2010-02-02T22:47:00.000-08:00

"It's risky falling in love, it's like a narcotic. At first it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day you want more. You're not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you think you can still control things. You think about the person you love for two minutes, and forget them for three hours. But then you get used to that person and you become completely dependent on them. Now you think about him for three hours and forget about him for two minutes. If he's not there, you feel like an addict who can't get a fix. And just as addicts steal and humiliate themselves to get what they need, you're willing to do anything for love."

Because.

2010-02-02T22:27:00.000-08:00

I love you. I love your eyes. I love your smell. I love your hair. I love your laugh. I love your skin. I love everything inside you. And I'll try to make all the parts that I find, happy.

Because you make me happy. So much.

Happy monthsary!<3

My Name

2010-01-28T03:55:00.000-08:00

Or might as well say MY NICKNAME. :)

This is creepy.

Your name of Chaye gives you a clever mind, good business judgment, a sense of responsibility, and an appreciation of the finer things of life.

You are serious-minded and not inclined to make light of things even in little ways, and in your younger years you had more mature interests than others your age.

Home and family mean a great deal to you and it is natural that you should desire the security of a peaceful, settled home environment where you can enjoy the companionship of family and friends.

Whatever you set out to accomplish you do your very best to complete in accordance with what you consider to be right.

Although the name Chaye creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, we emphasize that it can cause a superior, interfering expression whose favorite expression is "I know" when not combined with a balanced last name.
This name, when not combined with a balanced last name, can also frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses through worry and mental tension.

Get yours at this odd Kabalarian Philosophy name study website. "Your name creates your life!" Interesting, but in the end, scarily determinist, and puts the control all in the hands of our dear dear dear parents and whatever name they set their hearts on at that time. My real name is a combination of my father and granfather's name, (MARICAR = Marcos+Carlos) maybe that's a distintly filipino trait. But yeah, I've never hated my name, nor did I think it was particularly unique or pretty. CHAYE ha, not Maricar, because I haven't been called that in ages. :)) In hindsight, Maricar sounds more like a grown-up, pulled together person. But fyeah. Chaye is just, it's just...me, and it's also just...a nickname. Which might be the whole point of this philosophy. The second to the last point actually strikes home... Maybe I should make a mantra out of this: Go beyond the confines of your name!

LOVE?

2009-10-08T01:29:00.000-07:00

LOVEROIDISM

It is being paranoid with love. When you're loving too much that you're too scared of everything. AVOID IT! "Loveroidism" is bad for you health, like smoking kills.

............................................................

I just want to thank God for making me ME. I just love it. I mean, wala na kong kailangan pa. May mga taong nagmamahal sa akin, at meron akong mga taong mahal. Hindi ko nga maisip kung ano pa wala sa akin eh. I used to envy my FRIENDS AND COUSINS when i was a KID. I'd always pray to God to be pretty like other girls, have lots of toys like that girl. I also wanted to live in a mansion, EVERYTHING. I never liked the person I am. That was decades ago. But now, I couldn't ask for anything more. THANK YOU! For giving me my family, Paul, my friends, my school. ALL THAT! This life I have, it's the greatest gift. Who cares if you're not pretty at all? Somebody loves you and will love you, whoever and whatever you are. Who cares if you're not so rich? At least you have people that make you feel rich inside. Who cares if you don't live in a mansion? At least you're with the people you love most, you sleep under one roof. It may be small, but think about it.. In that small house, you get to see each other, whatever happens. But in a mansion, you don't.

I just love it. ;)

BEER BELLY

2009-10-06T21:03:00.000-07:00

Today was in the middle of the spectrum, for me. Kinda sucked but nothing really bad happened. Had slight cephalalgia today, bummer. Add gloomy weather to the mix, and you've got one crappy day. Of course the fact that I missed someone didn't help.

Yesterday was better. BETTER? I went to Perps just to get my TOR. Oh well, ang labo talaga ng system nila. Then hit Starbucks to review a bit with my friend Chie then Paul came. Ate lunch at Jollibee near Sbux. Juskoday! Na-stress talaga ako sa pagkuha ng TOR. Aww. Then it was hard for me to understand everything, in NSG. Lord God, Bakit po ako nag-nursing? Poldoki had this idea, "Uwi na ng maaga!" Paul and I were talking about it while munching. "Ano, sabay ka ba sa akin?" he asked me. Edi yun. Chie went to Mickey D's while me and my Lalabs rode a jeepney from LP to Cavite. We went to his house. Giggly time. We also finished his report about BEER. Watda! He keeps on telling me that it was based on research that overeating and lack of muscle tone is the main cause of a "beer belly", and not BEER. Okay, fine. The it also decreases cardiac diseases and stroke pa daw. Hello, in moderate consumption lang naman. Akala niya siguro papayagan ko na siya uminom ng uminom. In your dreams, Paul.

It was, of course, fun and confortable to be with my boyfie. Gahd, we were together doing nothing. Watching any vids on FB, eating spag, laughing our hearts out on every little thing, and as usual, spilling our guts to each other. Being with him makes me feel being taken care of and loved.<3>

Chaye loves Poldokyut. :)

"In life, you should find someone who will dance with you under the nightsky. Even without the moon. Even without the stars. Even if there's no music playing. Even if that someone can't dance well... but still dances with you."

Realization

2009-10-05T00:14:00.000-07:00

It took me a month or so to see that I should really think things through. I have been very impulsive with my decisions. It sucks that it had to reach to the point of affecting other people, which i never really intended to. So, to whoever i did wrong this month, or the previous, I'm sorry things turned out this way. As for myself, I'll be more critical of my decisions next time, so that I know that I'm fully aware of what ill be going into.

That's all.

Now back to MY CHILDHOOD DREAM.
*bow*

The Hiding Place

2009-09-07T22:18:00.001-07:00

Where are you? You’ve seemed a little distant lately. Like you’ve got something to hide. You can tell me. I won’t be mad.

WE DO.

2009-09-07T22:04:00.000-07:00

So yes, we could kiss. I could kiss you and you could kiss me. There's no science, plane ticket or clock stopping us. But if we kiss, it will end the world. And I've ended the world before. No one survived. Least of all me.

Self googling.

2009-09-07T04:19:00.000-07:00

So I googled myself a few minutes ago. Haha! XP Coolness! I'm actually Googlable! : )

It's just so shaking.

2009-09-07T04:11:00.000-07:00

I thought it all ended that day. Apparently, it didn't. Almost everyone revealed their guts, as usual. I don't know why this happened.

"Its the little things..."

It does make sense now, doesn't it? We cant wait for things to pile up before we start fixing things. It's about prioritizing and taking things for what they are. We cant have this ideal that once we've changed everything will go away. A friend told me, it'll come back to haunt us all. That's just how things go.

It's just so weird that this is my reaction. I'm not ranting crazily. FOR SOME REASON. I feel empowered. I think I have the power to change things. I just hope people think so as well.
Maybe because I've been through my share of UPS and DOWNS recently, and I've gotten the best advice from my friends. I think my strength right now is from that. I don't feel weak right now.

Got me thinking about the future again. I know that it seems stupid to hope for the better BUT I still want to hold on to what i think could happen by then: something to look forward to. Our roots could have gotten the best of us, but i know that things could still get better, even at the hardest of times.

EMO but not so much that i would self-mutilate.
I'm much too much of a coward for that.
OR I'm just sane.

- Chaye

ON PATIENCE AND ENDURANCE

2009-09-07T04:03:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a week, I guess. I never knew that I could be this way regarding something. Usually, whenever times like these come along, I toss it out and move on.

For some reason, Im still here.

I'm still willing to wait for it.

I'm still willing to find out what's on the other end of the tunnel.

Its really weird how, even with the torture, I can still say I'll be there. I dunno if anyone can relate, well I guess some people can. Something's changed in me. I'm not in a rush, even with this rant being published. I just need to vent it out, I guess.

I'm just frustrated of the lack of presence. Its no one's fault, really. I understand the situation that is given.

All I'm saying, is that this has happened before but I'm reacting differently this time.

I JUST MISS YOU.

- Chaye

MAKING CHOICES

2009-09-07T03:57:00.000-07:00

AND DOING THE RIGHT THINGS.

So, today was pretty fruitful for me. I won't go into detail but all I'll say is that I'm enlightened. I had a choice to make and with the help of a very good friend, I made the right one.

Life gives us so much crap. As another friend told me before, life offers us nothing but crap, We just have to pick the one with less damaging factor in order to stay sane. I guess it really is that way. I mean, we all have to make a choice sometime on our lives. No matter how big or small that choice may be, it will be life changing. Right now I'm faced with another fork in the road. AND I need to make another choice that would affect a big part of my life. I can see possibilities, but with these possibilities is the loss of another. I'm not really sure what I should do. Choice one is to wait, for two months. Choice two is to just go with what i find on the way with the chance of losing something great in the process. Ive gone through the first before with, well, that's for me to keep.

Heck, I just said I'll try. I really will. I need time to think this through as well. Need to sort myself out.

Life is crap. Is it? - Nah.

Off I go.

- Chaye

Facebookemon.

2009-09-07T03:41:00.000-07:00

The term used for the collection of people, on your Facebook friends list, that you dont actually talk to or know in real life. Related to popular tv program and game pokeamon, where the aim is to collect as many diffrent Pocket Monsters as possible.

Dave - "Hey, my friends collection is getting up to two hundred"

Steve - "How many do you really know? go admit it, most of them are Facebookemon"

John - "Gotta catch em all, gotta catch em all!"

- HAHAHA! Gotta catch 'em all.

Got it from FB.

2009-09-07T02:53:00.000-07:00

Mahal kita, todo todo.

Walang BREAK, walang preno.

Mabangga man sa kanto.
Ikaw pa rin ang MAHAL KO.♥
Sa dahon ng gumamela.
Sa bulaklak ng sampaguita.
Doon mo makikita ang salitang "MAHAL KITA!"
Mahal kita sa Tagalog.

I love you sa English.
1...43 sa Mathematics.
Ewan ko lang sa Physics.
Tubig is water.
Ilog is river.
Combine it together.

I LOVE YOU POREBER. ♥

- Okay. I posted this on my boyfie's profile. I just love him so much.<3

I want.

2009-09-07T02:38:00.000-07:00

Those chocolate chips just look too good, YUM.<3

FRIENDSTER: My favorite post

2009-09-07T02:33:00.000-07:00

YOU CHANGED MY LOVE, ayy LIFE paLa!:D

I had a movie date with my BOYFRIEND last week March 11 (Wednesday), 7 months after I’ve watched A Very Special Love with my relatives, I was able to spend giggly time with him. AND we were smiling and laughing our hearts out before & after watching the sequel, You Changed My Life.

Boyfie and I have already talked about our movie date a few weeks ago na hindi lang talaga matuloy tuloy. I made a pact that I won’t ever miss that movie. yerrr!!:D

Anyways, I had so much fun while watching the film. As expected, there were a lot of people in the cinema.(Nakakatawa yuNg TAWA ng iba) :)) John Lloyd aka Miggy Montenegro was ooooozing with sex appeal. *sigh* All his shots, from all angles, all sides, from head to toe, he was sooo freaking HOT! okay, now I’m freaking!! Hahaha.. (sSssHh, Hot diN nman bf kUh) HiHi..

THE MOVIE, is light and heartwarming. Of course, those Li’L *KiLiG* moments are enough to make me go “awwww” and “oooh” and “weeee!!”.. the “bebe koh” ringtones, the corny dialogues (mas mahal kita), the power hugs, those killer smiles… ahhh!! what more can i say?>:))

Although this movie has much more tension moments and has a little bit heavier drama compared to the first one, I was much more enlightened with the message of the story. Something about loving someone at the outmost of one’s ability.. LOVE IS NOT QUANTIFIABLE. “Like what Miggy said, “di ko man kayang tumbasan ang feelings mo para akin, yung pagmamahal ko hindi nagbabago yan.. kung hanggang saan lang ang kaya ko para maipakita ko kung gaano kita kamahal, sana ay makasapat na iyon sa iyo.. dahil hindi nasusukat ang pagmamahal…”

SO TRUE. Real love is unmeasurable. It’s infinite yet so powerful. Oftentimes, we begin to realize that you can never love someone greater than the way they love you. But what matters most is you know how to express the power of love and the power of HUG. :))

YES! YES! Yes, in between giggles, i managed to grasp the moral of the story .

…………………………………………………………………………..

Here’s some of the funny lines slash memorable quotes slash cheesy dialogues that i have memorized. LOL.

Laida: Alam mo, feeling ko, magaling ka talaga sa puzzle.. kasi umaga pa lang, binuo mo na ang araw ko!

Laida: Dahil narito ka na, pababaunan kita ng Power Hug!!

Laida: Isa akong letter V!
Miggy: bakit?
Laida: para i’m always right next to U…

Miggy: I am not jealous, I can’t be jealous, I’ve never been jealous… NGAYON LANG!

Laida: Naku..Miggy Montenegro, wag mo akong sanaying nang ganito. baka hanap-hanapin ko to..
Miggy: o, di masanay ka na.. wala naman akong balak na itigil to…

Miggy: I’m the worst person to love.

Miggy: Ito na yung best ko..

Laida: pakiramdam ko, mas mahal kita kesa mas mahal mo ako..

Manang Vida: Alam mo, kung nasan man ngayon si Laida, siguradong pagod na pagod na yun.
Miggy: Bakit naman ho?
Manang Vida: Kasi buong araw at magdamag na syang tumatakbo sa isip mo eh..

Manang Vida: siguro, letter A ka..
Laida: A po?
Manang Vida: kasi you’re not meant to B

Manang Vida: February 15 na. tapos na Valentine.
Laida: Belated Happy Valentines po!

Miggy: Umm.. Laida?
Laida: Yes?
pinalapit ni miggy sa kanya, then ni-kiss ni Laida si Miggy sa cheeks..elevator opens..
Gio: Guys, tulungan nyo ako, ang haba ng buhok ni Laida, baka maipit..

inside the elevator:
Matet: 6 months
joross: tingin ko 3 months
Gio: hindi, 3 weeks..
Laida: four…….
Gio and Joross: 4 days?
Laida: four……..ever!!!

Miggy: Kuya, was it worth it?
Art: what is?
Miggy: You and Christina..
Art: if taking over our family business and making it as big as it is now, then the sacrifice is all worth it..
Miggy: ang hirap maging ikaw, Kuya.
Art: I’m not asking you to be me. I’m asking you to be better.

Al Tantay (father of Laida): Uy ang aga mo ah.. napadaan ka lang uli?
Miggy: hindi po, susunduin ko po si Laida..

Al Tantay: alam ko namimiss mo sya.. sige lang..iiyak mo lang.. di naman ako magagalit eh..

Laida: eee… tanunging mo muna ako kung ano yung gusto ko..
Miggy: Laida, ano ba gusto mo?
Laida: (pakipot style) iii…. tayo.. weee!!

Miggy: bakit andito sya? bakita kasama mo sya?
Laida: kasi wala ka… kasi sya yung nandito.. kasi wala ka!
Miggy: Laida, hindi mo alam ang mga pinagdaanan ko para makarating dito..

AND xOo much MORE.. and MORE.. and MORE.

FIRST

2009-09-07T02:08:00.000-07:00

HELLO FRIENDS and fellow blogger. This seems like a cool feature and I wanted to experiment with it a bit. AND Hey, It's my first blog in here. I have other blogs than this, most of them lacking in direction.

Here's to trying out something new.

- Chaye